I've decided not to title this post because I really don't know what exactly I would title it. I feel like my life is falling apart. Like I am losing grip on everything or that things are spiraling out of control. I'm one person and being pulled in so many directions. My amazing son, Christian is entering some kind of tween stage (Puberty?) and he is just not the same. He is more into his texting, Ipod than even spending quality time with his family. He seems so withdrawn and combative. I ask him to do something and he won't, he fights me on simple things like helping carry his clothes upstairs to be put away. I'm very careful not to ask him too much to help with Joseph..with getting a diaper, or sippy cup but being that I am 8mths pregnant it's hard to get up and down with a toddler on my lab. I know that Dh has been doing the same thing. Dh has GOT to step it up..it's annoying that he thinks he can still have the same lifestyle as we had when we had one kid..playing music shows, late nights, little sleep and trying to care for a toddler during the day. I try to be empathetic but it's really just turning into frustration and anger. I'm feeling like I blame him for the changes in our kids that I see. Joseph is at the terrible two's no doubt! We have to have consistant parenting with him, meaning that he has to SLEEP in his own room for atleast part of the night--he can't throw as temper tantrum and get away with throwing and hitting things. He needs constant reassurance that I am going to come home. He gets so upset every morning when I have to get up for work..throws a fit and then gets over it. I'm always careful to say goodbye, I love you and I will be home in a bit. I understand he has no linear knowledge of time so if Dh would keep him occupied throughout the day..instead of just letting him run the house..maybe he wouldn't feel the need to be so clingy when I get home.
The worst part is that I am exhausted after putting in a 9hr day, coming home and being attentive to my kids. Reading books, doing homework, making dinner at this time it's probably close to 8:30. I finally am able to sit down--tried to watch a movie with oldest son last night Harry Potter and fell asleep. He woke me up at 9:40and we decided it was time for bed. I feel spent and guilty because I can't do it all. How the hell am I going to manage this with three kids..a newborn, a high needs toddler, and a 12 year old that is just getting used to sharing me.
I want to so enjoy my pregnancy..baby kicks and baby hiccups! I don't want to be tired and crabby. I want to be treated like a queen, what happened to foot rubs, back rubs, I had to beg to get time to have my hair cut. I need a pedicure and want a massage too..but again feel guilty for wanting to do something for me.
Okay so this rant post made me feel a bit better but again it will probably all start over again tomorrow. It's nice to have an outlet though so atleast I can feel like some of this is getting off my chest.
Thanks,
Jackie
2 comments:
Jackie-
Our lives are similar in many ways. First I will tell you I am a type A personality and dh has ADD and so does ds. My dh is a musician who works nights and he is home during the day. I also get frustrated with him because it seems he does nothing while I am gone- yet I have to come home and handle dinner, homework, bedtime, etc. alone. I get bitter and resentful that he has the fun lifestyle and I have the adult lifestyle. We have these discussion and things don't seem to get better...and he admits he struggles during the day. What he asks of me is to make a list and he will do his best to complete the list during the day. If I don't make a list, he will do nothing. So on his daily list is EXACTLY what he needs to do - dishes, mow the lawn, etc.
If your dh agrees you could do the same thing, but include stuff for Joseph - 9:00 have "music class" 10:00 coloring time. 11:00- go on a nature walk, etc. It will take some planning on your part, but may relieve some of your resentment if you think he is holding up his end of the daddy side. The other thing that has helped my dh is me pushing him to be the "man" of the house. I think deep inside they want to be known as the one who is ultimately responsible - so pushing them to take the lead is almost like the right of passage they are waiting for. Don't get me wrong, no day is perfect, but it has brought us to a meeting point on expectations.
I don't know have any advise on your ds, since mine is only 9 and his attitude is horrible. I try talking with him daily and I really do fear the future teen years. Church and God plays a huge part in our lives and I keep hoping that over time that will soften him.
If you want to talk more e-mail me barb61774@yahoo.com
Your old BC friend ~ Barb
Oh Barb!! Yes you are so right and dh has actually asked me to make him lists. I thought he was being silly but it seems that he is really seriously needing some guidence..lol
Ds #1 is really just "tween" and I have to get used to the fact that he is really just growing up and doesn't need the "interaction" he craved a few years ago..I just miss those days with him I guess..lol.
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