Thursday, September 22, 2011

What's New

It's been awhile since I have blogged..or had the time to blog but so much has been happening in our beautiful little family. Jaxon is 9 weeks old and although Joseph was not all that thrilled to have a little brother he has adjusted beautifully! He loves his little "Deet Deet" as he calls him. Jaxon is such a wondeful blessing and a really easy going baby. He slept through the night last night and I just love watching him. He has started to Coo and smiles at me. He also turns his head when he hears my voice and has rolled over twice from his belly to his back.

He is amazing and I am so in love. I've talked with Dh about how wonderful and textbook his pregnancy and delivery was and I've mustered up enough courage to tell him that I really don't feel "done" with having kids. He of course feels complete and loves that we can now focus on raising and playing with our kids. But he did say let's see where we are at in a couple of years..I'm hoping by 34 I will be pregnant again :) We'll see! Jaxon was a huge surprse as I thought my body had just given up and I couldn't get pregnant. I noticed though when Joseph came home I was mentally in a better place and was very at peace with where I was at and I think this had a huge impact on my ability to let go and in turn we ended up pregnant.

The strangest thing throughout my pregnancy was that people really could't or wouldn't "See" me as pregnant. Although I clearly had a baby belly it didn't register to them that I was expecting because of Joe's adoption. Made me sad that most of society believes a person adopts because they "can't" have children, when in fact everyone's story is a bit different and more complicated then that. I go back to work in 3 weeks and I am DREADING it. I love being home and I have a nice routine but finacially we just can't swing it. I've been getting paid this whole time and it's a good things because it made me realize that we can't make it on one income just yet. Dh has become accustom to a lifestyle that he won't change. I have to admit my marriage is much better and I feel like dh is much more involved and caring. He fell in love with Jax and in turn he has adjusted his schedule to be more hands on. I've loving seeing him with his boys more now!

My oldest is 12 aleady! Christian is amazingly smart and talented I feel so lucky that he is such a good big brother. He has really helped me out when things seem to be a bit chaotic! He is also the quarterback of his football team and I am so proud to see him in that position!

Our days are spent running to football games, playing outside, having picnics and enjoying these miracles that we were given! These last two years of my life have been so amazing and I am thankful everyday that my journey has ended in bliss and that I am no longer in a place of darkness and despair. It's so hard when you want something so bad and yet you have no control over it! I will always be aware of our struggles to get here and our losses along the way. I pray each night for those out there that are where I was three years ago! I will never forget what it was like and will always have a place in my heart for those that are trying to conceive and having difficulty. I've added a few pictures of my beautiful babies and my mother in law who spent two weeks with us. She lives in Colorodo and we miss her so much!