Thursday, November 6, 2008

Letting go of Control

When I chose adoption I knew I would have to learn how to let go of control. I'll admit I am a person that likes to be in control. It doesn't help that I am currently writing my senior thesis, taking three classes and working full-time. Saturdays are devoted to my son's basketball games and Sunday is generally "cleaning" day. It's really the only day I can devote to my house. Working and class for over 12 hours a day is really starting to burn me out. Thank goodness December 10th is almost here! This will be the end of the madness since I am taking 2 online classes next semester and then I will be done. Well I do have my "Research Methods" class in summer but that is 6weeks and it is not a big deal. I AM GRADUATING IN MAY! It has been a long time coming but I have finally done this! I'll have my second degree and feel the sense of accomplishment I have been longing for.

The part that I am having the most difficult time with is the WAITING for my SOCIAL WORKER to write my homestudy. This part is driving me crazy. I know it is a lot of work but our last meeting was October 17th and it is November 7th today and I still have not heard from her. She gave us our verbal approval but I'm not on the list until it is written up. Apparently, she has to do the agency newletter and once this is done she will then do my homestudy. She PROMISED we would be on the list this month. It just breaks my heart to see families pass us on the list even after they started after us. But I guess this is the control I have to let go. I'm told that the Korean program does not have a lot of families going on the list so it shouldn't be a big deal or extend our time. I'm not sure I believe that since I have found lots of families online that are using the same agency for the Korean program. Seems like lots of families are requesting a girl as well. Breathe! I tell myself, Relax...I have no control and my child will be selected by God when the time is right...They say 7-9mths wait time for referral. I still wishing for a 2009 baby.

Now find the silver lining right..Yes, the silver lining is that I will have more time to save $ and pay even more of the adoption expenses out of pocket instead of depleting my home equity loan. This is the silver lining and I am okay with waiting, I just want to be waiting on the list. I have my USCIS paperwork filled out, signed and waiting to send my homestudy in so we can do our fingerprinting...but I need the HOMESTUDY! Someone give me some words of wisdom here and remind me to LET GO OF THE CONTROL.

I guess after so many IF treatments letting go is not as easy as I thought. I like doing the paperwork and sending my pieces in to the agency and since I have nothing else to send it I am finding that the wait is harder then I imagined.

Birth Control pills are not helping either...Imagine the irony of an infertile having to take birth that is funny.

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