Brother can you spare a dollar?

I got my agency bill yesterday and I quickly closed the email. Took a deep breath and realized that I knew I would be getting it, I just didn't know I would be getting it before Christmas. Merry Christmas! I should be getting my home study so I can file the I-600A paperwork. The filing fee has gone up since my application..thanks to the Federal Government. I have to pay $830.00 for the Immigration office to fingerprint us to file a one page application. I know it is one step closer to my baby, but it is also one step closer to being completely insanely "tapped" out. Many adoptive parents don't discuss the cost associated with adoption but I feel that people should be made aware of how much of a financial commitment this really is. I'm already setting myself up to work weekends nights while I am on FMLA, I'll be exhausting my vacation time and praying that co-workers have hours they would be willing to donate. Things are beginning to feel very real tight now and I am not gonna lie, I'm going to borrow funds with the intent of paying them back during our "wait."

I go to bed at night and pray that my friends will step it up, help me in a time of need. L and I have planned so many benefits for our friends and donated so much time to other causes, I hope and pray that God will lend us some light. I spent a day at the homeless shelter talking to families that truly know what it feels to be down and out and I have nothing to complain about compared to their situations. My husband asked me today "if we were getting in over our heads." I handle all the financial aspects of our family and I actually had to think, is my vision so focused on the end result that I will do anything possible to acheive it and by doing so am I skewing my reality? Can I really afford this?

My mind is telling me YOU CAN DO THIS, I have never been one to accept NO as the final answer and being unable to give birth to another child was no enough that I'm not willing to let something as material as $ stop me. Although, I still have to find it. Maybe I have a long lost rich relative that is willing to help me, if your out there...I'm right here.

So enough of the sad story stuff, it is coming to be Thanksgiving and I do have much to be thankful for, I have a job, dh has a job, we are officially waiting for a referral, ds made the honor roll and I know if my heart this will all work out. The agency has gone through our finances and they approved us so it can't just be me that believes. But next week I will be writing the check...the second bigger one....the one for over 7K to the agency and trying to find the $830, I am short for our fingerprints. Your thoughts and prayers are much appreciated!