Thursday, April 26, 2012

Can we just slow down....

This life of mine is like a whirlwind. It's going by so fast and I can’t do anything to stop it. With working and juggling all the different roles in my life, I am having a hard time stopping, enjoying and SAVORING any of it. I wish I had the luxury of not doing the 9-5 grind or to be self-employed or to take lavish vacations with my children. Yes, I am quite jealous of those Hollywood Moms. Going from 1 kid to 2 was a breeze...2-3 was mind blowing and eye opening. My world is mostly chaos, whining is a daily occurrence and sleep denervation is the new norm. Now don't get me wrong I would NEVER change any of it and I do remember my fertility struggles that lead me to adopt my beautiful Joey..but it's my life now and it's real to me. I'm not complaining but more or less processing the fact that my once tidy, organized life is chaotic and uncontrollable. My kids are my world and I know the old mantra is that we give our best years to our children and they are the reason for our soon to be popping gray hairs but I still can't wrap my head around how I could slow things down a bit and enjoy watching them grow up with anticipation and wonder instead of wanting them to stay little and savor every minute of their babyhood, toddler and teen years. Perhaps it's because I am going through all these phases at the same time!! That might just be it! One of the most important things I have said to myself is that I want to do more family stuff and that means going to festivals, camping, kayaking (it's been two years since I've sat in my kayak) and live in the moment. After being diagnosed with skin cancer in January and going through that nightmare, I promised myself that I would change the way I saw the world. However, it seems that old habits die hard. I'm still doing and acting the same as I did prior to my cancer diagnosis. I'm proud that I am cancer free now, and know that it's a real possibility that it might come back..because they say it's rare at 32 to have basal cell carcinoma even if I am VERY fair skinned. So my dermatologist gives me the full up and down look every three months to make sure nothing else is popping up. That's something I love looking forward to, kind of like that Pap smear. You got to get it done, but it really sucks having it done. So, because I recognize that I am working too hard and now following my own Dr. Orders. I pledge that this summer is going to be one filled memories, drinking coffee on the deck listening to the birds chirping. It’s going to be a time to reflect, re-energize and enjoy.

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