Happy New Year!

As this year comes to an end...I am reminded that I have been in the adoption process since July of 2008. As we inch closer and closer, I can't believe the amount of time that has been devoted to this journey and I can't imagine us taking any other path. As I stare at my son's pictures and dream about what our children will do together, I am filled with such hope. Someone once said "believe." This is the time that I truly believe miracles happen. Life happens and we respond to it. I was chosen! My family was chosen for this. I can't wait to see what 2010 brings. How our lives will change and how we will change.

Dh and I were talking the other night and as we are both not sure what the future holds we know that we couldn't ask for anything else in our lives. We've had heartache, suffering immense amounts of joy and sadness but through it all we are more committed to each other then ever. We found each other by chance, and we made a family that I couldn't be more proud of. I've always said that 2006 was the worst year ever...and it's looking like 2009 may be the best year yet!

14 years ago I had a choice, a choice that could have changed my life forever. I don't know where I would be today, but I am certainly glad that I chose the alternative route. Life hasn't been easy, but it's my life. (Was that Jon and Kate?) Kidding aside, I'm proud of the woman I have become, the goals I have achieved and I have so much more life ahead of me. Miracles come in pairs...and in our case miracles come from the other side of the world. We can't wait to get you home little man. Love Mom, Dad and C!

Drum Roll............Meet Joseph

He is PERFECT! I can't stop staring at his picture!!!

Referral..... it's a boy!

I'm the proud mother of two gorgeous boys! I've wondered how I would write this blog entry...God knows I've had time to think about it.LOL

My son's name is Joseph and he is beautiful. I'm excited to get him home and I know these next few months are going to be trying. I'll post pictures as soon as I'm assured my paperwork is off...


Pictures to come soon!

And it's November....

Another month is going by and I don't know where thing are going. I'm starting to feel frustrated with this whole process. Why are we going on 1 year of waiting??? In the beginning I was told that we would be done with this process in 2009. Why was I told this? So many have received their referrals and the family that was 8 weeks ahead of us has been home with their son now since September. God please, I'm so ready for it to be my turn. It's been 5 years of waiting for our second child and I feel like my life has been on hold.

To the adoption angels out there...we are ready! We have everything we need for our baby and we are ready! Please let tomorrow be the day.

J

It's official-I'm old!

Well it's October already and I can't believe the kind of summer we had. It was so cool this summer that we didn't get a lot of camping in. In fact we camped for 1.5 days, yeah just 1.5 days. So sad! Our family LOVES to camp and kayak and be outside and this summer it was so cool and rainy. Fall is not shaping up to be any better. I actually started looking for one of those bike pedals you put under your desk for excersise because lord knows I can't walk in a down pour!

So what does this title mean on my blog? Well it's official I've reached the I'm getting old and my body is changing stage (or realization). I officially have stretch marks that will never go away. Although I am ever so thankful for those stretch marks because they mark the arrival of my son. The other part I am not so thankful about and that is my first varicose vein on my thigh. My mother has terrible veins and I always knew that I would probably get them too. But at 30? That's seems way too early and let's face it I'm still concerned with the way I look. I know a lot of it has to do with my job. I sit for TOO LONG everyday!9hrs too long! I try to get up often and go upstairs or take a walk but it's often not possible-and lets see, oh yeah the other reason is I need to lose 20lbs..atleast. I plan on closing my eyes when I get on the scale tomorrow for my lovely yearly dr visit. But regardless of all of this I am still happy to be me! With all that I have been through in the past 4 years to be here today (and everyday is still a challenge) to be optomistic is so worth the journey I have traveled.

I figure our adoption referral HAS to be close like anyday now..hint hint. It's been 10mths and counting since we have been waiting.(Just a shout out to my agency CAN YOU HEAR ME, I'M READY) I can't believe how this time went kinda fast EXCEPT now time seems to be standing still. Baby where are you? I love you so much and I don't even know you? I ask myself what will I be like when I finally get THE CALL? Now what is this all about? Well THE CALL is the one that your social worker calls and tells you they have a baby for you and you review the call..It's similar to a 20wk ultrasound I guess. I mean you know you are going to have a baby but when you find out if it is a boy or girl it somehow feels MORE real. Dh and I were talking last night about camping with a little one next year! I'm so excited!!! With his job we have flexibility to not have to use daycare as much as we did with C and we can REALLY bond as a family. I won't be able to take 4 months off work--but I do plan on taking 12 weeks and I am very excited to have 3 months to be with my babies!!

I'm thankful to be working but I so wish I could be a stay at home mommy. I'm jealous of moms that get to see their children every morning and dance around in their PJ's. I hated having to wake my baby up get him dressed and shuffle him off to daycare for the WHOLE day. I know I will wonder what my baby is doing all day while I am at work. Granted I know that my employment has provided so many wonderful things and I am so thankful but in the end it really is just "Stuff." I think so many working parents feel this way and I know I struggle everyday with it.

So any adoption updates? No we are still WAITING.....tick tock tick tock

My Sweet Child

"You had a journey to make, A trip to come through, To parents who were praying, And waiting for you."

As we reflect.....

It has been a year since we decided to pursue international adoption! Last July 14, 2008 I sent my application in. Where has the past year gone? I feel as if I have been in this process for so much longer. I guess since 2005? Since my first loss, God has been leading me in this direction for some time. I just needed a few years to actually hear him.

Each day I fear asking for an update because things have been slow in my agency. They have actually said this is what they expected and they don't accept applications so families are waiting for years. We however, will have surpassed the year mark and it is likely to be much longer until our adoption is completed. I asked my SW yesterday if there was any updates and she indicated no, a couple babies are coming home in August. She also indicated that the family behind us has been told that they will not receive a referral until 2010. We have been waiting officially for a match since November 21, 2008. That marks over 8 months now and it appears that we are likely going to be closer to the 10 month mark before we get a referral.

This makes things a bit scary for us because South Korea only issues so many Visa's a year and our child will likely be ready to travel toward the end of the year and we could fall into the time frame when Korea says..nope no more VISA's until January 2010. I pray to GOD this does not happen. We don't want our baby to be waiting for us for a few months due to Visa problems. If we get a referral in October it will be okay as the baby will come home in 2010, but if we get a referral in August--different story. We still are getting close to the "hook" they call it.

I told dh this last night and he stated that he doesn't want to do the nursery because he doesn't want it to sit empty for so long...I'm broken hearted because FINALLY the waiting is getting to me.... I don't want to hang our Korean tree ordament on the tree for Christmas this year without our baby being home. I've been totally fine the past 8 months..and now the unknown is getting harder to swallow each day. God grant me the strength.....

Wait

Wait
by Russell Kelfer


Desperately, helplessly, longingly, I cried;
Quietly, patiently, lovingly, God replied.
I pled and I wept for a clue to my fate . . .
And the Master so gently said, "Wait."

"Wait? you say wait?" my indignant reply.
"Lord, I need answers, I need to know why!
Is your hand shortened? Or have you not heard?
By faith I have asked, and I'm claiming your Word."

"My future and all to which I relate
Hangs in the balance, and you tell me to wait?
I'm needing a 'yes', a go-ahead sign,
Or even a 'no' to which I can resign."

"You promised, dear Lord, that if we believe,
We need but to ask, and we shall receive.
And Lord I've been asking, and this is my cry:
I'm weary of asking! I need a reply."

Then quietly, softly, I learned of my fate,
As my Master replied again, "Wait."
So I slumped in my chair, defeated and taut,
And grumbled to God, "So, I'm waiting for what?"

He seemed then to kneel, and His eyes met with mine . . .
and He tenderly said, "I could give you a sign.
I could shake the heavens and darken the sun.
I could raise the dead and cause mountains to run."

"I could give all you seek and pleased you would be.
You'd have what you want, but you wouldn't know Me.
You'd not know the depth of my love for each saint.
You'd not know the power that I give to the faint."

"You'd not learn to see through clouds of despair;
You'd not learn to trust just by knowing I'm there.
You'd not know the joy of resting in Me
When darkness and silence are all you can see."

"You'd never experience the fullness of love
When the peace of My spirit descends like a dove.
You would know that I give, and I save, for a start,
But you'd not know the depth of the beat of My heart."

"The glow of my comfort late into the night,
The faith that I give when you walk without sight.
The depth that's beyond getting just what you ask
From an infinite God who makes what you have last."

"You'd never know, should your pain quickly flee,
What it means that My grace is sufficient for thee.
Yes, your dearest dreams overnight would come true,
But, oh, the loss, if you missed what I'm doing in you."

"So, be silent, my child, and in time you will see
That the greatest of gifts is to truly know me.
And though oft My answers seem terribly late,
My most precious answer of all is still . . . Wait."

We are still plugging away...

We are in the dreaded wait now. The one where everyone keeps asking, "Now, where are you guys at?" We are waiting for our match. The baby God has chosen to join our family. I've spent my days wondering how I might raise the remaining funds for our adoption. We have $2,000 more to go and I've been bargain shopping to help save some additional money for our adoption fees. This week I scored a crib in excellant condition at $35.00 dollars. It's a far cry from the cherry crib I have dreamt of, but the price was right and it converts to a daybed and has a nice mattress. It appears to be about 5 years old and is white. I figure it just saved us about $219.00 as I was planning on spending close to $300 for a 4 in 1 crib. The next things I need are..more cloth diapers, excersaucer, rocking chair, car seat, stroller and clothes!

I WISH my SIL would have held onto some of her things for the baby, I had asked her to but with them moving it was proving difficult to keep the clutter, so here I am out shopping the garage sale scene hoping to score some goods! We are planning a community dinner/fundraiser for June 20th and music in the evening as a BYOB event. I'm also planning a rummage sale for next weekend with my parents and hope that we have some GREAT sales!

So I continue to pray, pray for so many wonderful things in my life and I pray that North Korea will remain peaceful and not disrupt anything with our adoption and we can get our baby home soon! I pray that the light is at the end of the tunnel, I can see it from a distance and I pray that God blesses us with what we have been yearning for. I continue to cherish the moments I have with my son, knowing that our family dynamic will be changed soon and my new journey will begin. I pray that we hear something from the last of the grants we applied for. I also pray for all the children out there waiting to come home to their forever families~~

Jackie

Saying Good-Bye

Is the hardest thing I've ever had to do. The last thing I said to my Grandpa was "I'll see you later" I never said bye because I know someday we will be together again. I created this Montage in his memory for the memorial service. Some pictures are blurry but my Grandma really wanted them in there and I honored her wishes. I'll cherish our memories forever!

Photo and video editing at www.OneTrueMedia.com

I-600A EQUALS I-171H APPROVAL!!

After four long months and 2 (RFE) Requests for Evidence we have been granted the last piece of paperwork we had to have stamped with approval! I can't be too mad at the Detroit USCIS office but they did fail to email me after stating on the website they answer emails in 24-48 hours. Perhaps that person was laid off like the other 12% of the population in Michigan?

The good news is that we are ALL set and now we just wait for our referral! Which crossing our fingers should come in August! Woo HOO!!!

I was so happy when I got that little piece of mail last night!!!

Note to self-Rascal Flatts--HERE! When my baby comes home I am making a montage video for both of my children!!

This journey is NOT easy!

I've heard from USCIS and I have to submit more paperwork. We have a bit of bump in the road but nothing that we can't handle. A case that was suppose to be dismissed over 20years ago is just kinda "hanging" out there with no final resolution. I'm working with an attorney to request the case be dismissed as it was suppose to be. This is my drama right now but I have been given 6 weeks to resolve this. It does not appear that it will affect our adoption in anyway but it's still a BUMP that I wish would go away.

I feel helpless sometimes because if correct paperwork is not filed....then we pay the price...

USCIS and Stuff

I was hoping my next blog would be about our I-171H approval. Unfortunatly the only communication we have had with USCIS is that it took them 4 weeks to send a letter that states our Homestudy is incomplete because our SW did not sign it. Nevermind that it was notorized and signed by the agency director..apparently they want the same stuff they use for the I-800a. It's frustrating to say the least.

The other stuff I have going on is that I could just cry. Dh has been working for the same company for almost 2 years and TODAY after his boss said "We'll see what we can do regarding a raise" told us today that it's a "NO GO" I'm so frustrated because not only did his boss just buy a brand new truck with cash...is building a house and taking his second of two cruises in a month along with a hunting trip..says that he doesn't know where this economy is leading us. To me it sounds as if he is GREEDY! It angers me because he knows that Dh needs the job and isn't likely to leave because the hiring prospects are slim around here. I'm so sad because we have to make it on the 33 cent raise I got this year and with me taking 4 months off for the baby things are going to be exceptionally hard for us. Please pray that this works out.

On top of that I received an email that we were NOT chosen for a grant we applied for. Just more salt in the wound. I really have been so optomistic up until this point and now I am just so sad. It's a sad reality that we live in. I don't see things getting better.

Guess I better look at the classifieds and see if I can get a second job, along with school and my full-time job this should be real fun. But our family will survive this and in the end we won't even remember the heartache along the way.

New Beginnings

I thought it would be amazing to add this video! I hope to someday be just like the Fawcett's to raise money and help unite families. The high cost of adoption should never be a barrier to nurturing and loving another human being. When the dust settles, this will become my mission, my goal and my dream. Please check out this video

Click here

Happy New Year and Blessings in 2009!

This is the year!!! In 1999 I gave birth to my son and in 2009 my second child will arrive! I couldn't be more thrilled. We did our fingerprinting at the USCIS office on 12/23 and now we wait for the clearance to come through. This is the big FBI crimminal background check. Once that is all taken care of we are just waiting for the referral. So we filed the I-600A and now we wait for the USCIS to say we are fit to be parents of an orphan. The long dreaded wait for the I-171H or 797C approval is what we are waiting for. Below are a few pictures of the nursery we are doing. The wall color is Vanilla Creme and the theme is "Dragonflies" With Sage and Buttercup. Dh and I laughed because I ordered this bedding that I fell in love with and it was made by "Jo Jo" designs and dh's pet name for me is Jo Jo it was kinda funny!

Upate: So I figured I would add to this post and not start a new one as we still have not receive our I-171H. I emailed the USCIS office and they sent me a generic inquire only when it has been over 60 days. Well our application is dated 12/04 and we were fingerprinted on 12/23. I did find a typo in my homestudy which was the date of my marriage..it said 8/01 instead of 7/29. I am freaking that this will cause a hold up even though you have to send an I-600 drop the A again to USCIS when you receive your referral.