Almost 36 weeks!

Yesterday was not a good day at all..I was utterly sick! No sleep and could not keep anything in my system at all. I was afraid of severe dyhdration! Called the Dr. office and it took the nurse FOREVER to call me back. Okay maybe it was 30 mintues but I called three times in that 30 minutes because I wasn't sure if I was in labor or not since my back was killing me too...

Turns out I had the 24hr bug or food posioning. Being 9mths pregnant and having those symptoms I would not wish on anyone! We had a great appointment otherwise. Baby weighs about 5lbs 15oz and is in the 46% percentile. I'm not having a monster baby after all!! Woo Hoo! In the last two weeks, although I will admit I have eaten a lot of icecream I have gained NO weight..lol (I'm sure the vomiting and diahrea contributed to that)

So for now here is a picture of the little guy...

Happy Birthday JOEY!!

Today is my beautiful boy's second birthday! What an amazing year it has been for us. We will be celebrating his party on Saturday, in the local park with a Mickey Mouse theme. This boy loves his "Micka Mouse." We are not having a huge party this year,just Grandma and Grandpa and my brother and my niece and newphews. So between 10-15 people. I've invited a daycare friend, who also was adopted from Korea last year.

Joseph has had an amazing year. He speaks some Korean, Spanish can do sign language and is our Mr. Chatterbox. He can recite his ABC's and say his numbers 1-10. He speaks full sentences and it's amazing to actually carry on a conversation with him.

I also have to take time to think of his birth family...today they are probably hurting a bit, wondering how he is doing and if he is happy. I've not had any contact with them since April of 2010..and even then it was just the letters and gifts they sent to Joseph when he came home and a letter to us. I have a package prepared and will be mailing it out to them..I wanted it postmarked for today, so they knew I was thinking about them on his birthday..but I also want to send them a special gift and I just haven't found the "right" one yet. I've also had a lot on my plate this month with the home renovations, planning this party and being in my last trimester..I'm ususally in bed by 9:00 p.m.

So Joey---Mommy loves you so much and I can't wait for you to become a big brother because I know you are going to be such a big helper. I love you!

34 Weeks and Revelation.

Today I am officially 34 weeks. I can't believe that I am nearing the end of my pregnancy. This pregnancy has been textbook just like my first sons. I told my Dr. at my visit on Wed that I was getting anxiety that this pregnancy is going so well that I'm just waiting for something to go wrong. He chuckled and told me, "You sound just like my wife." lol. So yea, as irrational as it may be I am worried that I might still have complications. He told me not to worry that he has no concerns at all. My BP is GREAT 117/72 last time it was checked. (I've relaxed a bit more) since we are past viability and the baby would be just fine if he was born now. In fact my good friend who was due 18 days before me had her baby 6 weeks early and even though little Charley spent 5 days in the NICU he was never on oxygen and they sent him home last Friday. He's doing great might I add! It's amazing to look back over the past 5 years of my life. I never would have believed 5 years ago, that I would have two amazing additions in my life. I was in my darkest, deepest place and it was not a good place. I was so depressed and things were no going well for me professionally or personally. I hated myself for being so broken.

It wasn't until I decided in 2008, that we were meant to adopt. Nobody will ever be able to tell me that this was not GOD's doing, Joey was meant to come to our family and baby boy was meant to be conceived 6mths after Joseph's arrival. I'd say my life is perfect..right now but that's not quite accurate either. I'm in a much better place, more confident and proud of the woman I am. I don't depend on anyone for anything and I am in a place professionally that allows me to support my family without the need of dual incomes.

It's refreshing to know that at 32 years old I am finally at that place, the good ole "Adult" place. Dh once said to me that I have changed from the woman that he first met 14 years ago..I replied, Of Course, I was 17 and it's only natural and normal for a person to "grow" up. Although Dh and I still struggle to find a balance in our marriage..I can only hope that he decides to walk beside me and not behind me. I don't know what the next 5 years will be like but I know that I am strong enough to handle whatever life throws my way.

Unknown..

I've decided not to title this post because I really don't know what exactly I would title it. I feel like my life is falling apart. Like I am losing grip on everything or that things are spiraling out of control. I'm one person and being pulled in so many directions. My amazing son, Christian is entering some kind of tween stage (Puberty?) and he is just not the same. He is more into his texting, Ipod than even spending quality time with his family. He seems so withdrawn and combative. I ask him to do something and he won't, he fights me on simple things like helping carry his clothes upstairs to be put away. I'm very careful not to ask him too much to help with Joseph..with getting a diaper, or sippy cup but being that I am 8mths pregnant it's hard to get up and down with a toddler on my lab. I know that Dh has been doing the same thing. Dh has GOT to step it up..it's annoying that he thinks he can still have the same lifestyle as we had when we had one kid..playing music shows, late nights, little sleep and trying to care for a toddler during the day. I try to be empathetic but it's really just turning into frustration and anger. I'm feeling like I blame him for the changes in our kids that I see. Joseph is at the terrible two's no doubt! We have to have consistant parenting with him, meaning that he has to SLEEP in his own room for atleast part of the night--he can't throw as temper tantrum and get away with throwing and hitting things. He needs constant reassurance that I am going to come home. He gets so upset every morning when I have to get up for work..throws a fit and then gets over it. I'm always careful to say goodbye, I love you and I will be home in a bit. I understand he has no linear knowledge of time so if Dh would keep him occupied throughout the day..instead of just letting him run the house..maybe he wouldn't feel the need to be so clingy when I get home.

The worst part is that I am exhausted after putting in a 9hr day, coming home and being attentive to my kids. Reading books, doing homework, making dinner at this time it's probably close to 8:30. I finally am able to sit down--tried to watch a movie with oldest son last night Harry Potter and fell asleep. He woke me up at 9:40and we decided it was time for bed. I feel spent and guilty because I can't do it all. How the hell am I going to manage this with three kids..a newborn, a high needs toddler, and a 12 year old that is just getting used to sharing me.

I want to so enjoy my pregnancy..baby kicks and baby hiccups! I don't want to be tired and crabby. I want to be treated like a queen, what happened to foot rubs, back rubs, I had to beg to get time to have my hair cut. I need a pedicure and want a massage too..but again feel guilty for wanting to do something for me.

Okay so this rant post made me feel a bit better but again it will probably all start over again tomorrow. It's nice to have an outlet though so atleast I can feel like some of this is getting off my chest.

Thanks,
Jackie

30 Weeks!

I'm 30 weeks today and baby boy is weighing in at an impressive 3 pounds 13 oz! Blood pressure was great 120/80 and I am up a total of 11 pounds! I will get another u/s in 4 weeks to check to see how large he is. I finally got to see his little face even though he was hiding behind his arm.

I saw his feet too! So glad I had the good u/s tech yesterday! All in all the baby is doing great. He is still in a breech position but they tell me he has a lot of time to turn and move head down..at least 25% of babies at this point have not turned so I figure he is just stubborn like his mother. I'm still saying a he even though Sandy didn't check again yesterday and the first u/s tech was "so-so" but I feel comfortable calling him a boy..I'm carrying the same as I did with Christian.

Crazy how fast this pregnancy has flow by..I know a lot has to do with the fact that I was so disconnected for the first few months because I didn't want to have a broken heart. I'm so thankful to be where I am now and that I am in the home stretch..I'm still nervous of course but each day we get closer to full term the better I feel about him coming into this world safely. I'm even fine with having a c-section if he continues to be breeched. I just want whats best for this little man and can't wait until he arrives.

29 Weeks! We've got a big one :)

I'm actually 29 weeks and 6 days but I'm rounding ahead and saying 30 weeks especially after today's u/s. Baby is measuring around 32 weeks and weigh 3lbs 13oz..So he is in the 77 percentile. Dr. Wright said he's a big but they are not too concerned yet as he isn't in the 90th percentile. It was enough for him to say that he wants me to have another u/s around 34 or 36 weeks to check to see how big this baby is getting.

I instantly had lots of questions, he's breeched..when will he turn? If he gets too big will they induce? Nope, they don't induce based on size so he could be a 9 or 10pounder if he continues to gain 1/2 pund each week. I'm up a total of 11 pounds this pregnancy and I'm saying half of that is directly related to my fluid, placenta, and the babies weight. The count down is really on now..10 weeks and baby boy is a good size already (almost 4lbs..I'm still in shock)

I feel great and although I feel like my bump is tiny everything is measuring the way it should..my due date won't be adjusted so in 10 weeks a new baby will be here since I have been promised that I won't go overdue. I had some great pictures today as the baby finally cooperated and I was able to see his profile, foot and 3-D of his face. He still likes to keep his arm over his face though. My BP was PERFECT at 120/80..what a relief that is! I always worry about how my BP will be as it really depends on the nurse taking it. I'll add pictures when I get a chance. I just need to scan them.

Baby J will be here in no time. Time to take a new belly picture.